I wonder how many things mother really did know that we thought she never knew. You know? I compiled a quick list of my dirty doings. Mom, tell me if any of these are a surprise. I don't have any pics of me getting caught in the act, but this picture reminds me of all of the kids doing super stretch acrobatics off the kitchen counter to reach the treats above the fridge. Nice try hiding those mom!
My "Mother never knew" list. Mother never knew I...
1. Cut holes in my new Sunday pants because I was mad at her.
2. Sprayed windex on our bathroom light bulbs because I thought it looked cool when they exploded.
3. Wore Bob's diapers when I was 10 one day for extra padding (and for the heck of it) to do acrobatics in the front yard with John.
4. Made John and Mary eat cat and dog food even though they were just playing pretend
5. Added extra zeros to a babysitting check from Debbie Nelson. Got busted by the bank.
6. Used to sneak boxes of jello to eat in our play-chalet finger dip-n'-lick style.
7. Faked a fall in the shower to stay home from school (Jim had fallen that same morning... Mom gave us both the benefit of the doubt).
8. Squeezed mustard into loafers and spit snot into the pockets of sweatpants on the rack at VF Factory Outlet.
9. Got busted by a mall cop for stealing.
10. Hid between her mattress and box spring after I woke up surly from a nap. "She probably wouldn't even notice me if I was gone forever" I thought in self pity. Mom came looking for me and I stayed hidden. I only emerged after mom formed a search party of family and neighbors that called around for 15 minutes outside. I was satisfied with the effort. Thanks Mom.
After creating this list, I'm afraid for the parenting years to come. As an adult I often hear people comment "How did all of the LeBaron kids turn out so great?" Those people should read this post, and they'll realize it wasn't all roses. Thanks for putting up with us for so many years mom.
Now, as my challenge to the siblings, in-laws and grandkids... confession time. What did Mother never know? Fess up.
