I wonder how many things mother really did know that we thought she never knew. You know? I compiled a quick list of my dirty doings. Mom, tell me if any of these are a surprise. I don't have any pics of me getting caught in the act, but this picture reminds me of all of the kids doing super stretch acrobatics off the kitchen counter to reach the treats above the fridge. Nice try hiding those mom!
My "Mother never knew" list. Mother never knew I...
1. Cut holes in my new Sunday pants because I was mad at her.
2. Sprayed windex on our bathroom light bulbs because I thought it looked cool when they exploded.
3. Wore Bob's diapers when I was 10 one day for extra padding (and for the heck of it) to do acrobatics in the front yard with John.
4. Made John and Mary eat cat and dog food even though they were just playing pretend
5. Added extra zeros to a babysitting check from Debbie Nelson. Got busted by the bank.
6. Used to sneak boxes of jello to eat in our play-chalet finger dip-n'-lick style.
7. Faked a fall in the shower to stay home from school (Jim had fallen that same morning... Mom gave us both the benefit of the doubt).
8. Squeezed mustard into loafers and spit snot into the pockets of sweatpants on the rack at VF Factory Outlet.
9. Got busted by a mall cop for stealing.
10. Hid between her mattress and box spring after I woke up surly from a nap. "She probably wouldn't even notice me if I was gone forever" I thought in self pity. Mom came looking for me and I stayed hidden. I only emerged after mom formed a search party of family and neighbors that called around for 15 minutes outside. I was satisfied with the effort. Thanks Mom.
After creating this list, I'm afraid for the parenting years to come. As an adult I often hear people comment "How did all of the LeBaron kids turn out so great?" Those people should read this post, and they'll realize it wasn't all roses. Thanks for putting up with us for so many years mom.
Now, as my challenge to the siblings, in-laws and grandkids... confession time. What did Mother never know? Fess up.
Do I share what my mother never knew or yours? Could pop out a whole novel for Ruth Ann to get to know the real me...haha--yeah right!! I was an excellent child and never misbehaved...
ReplyDeleteClassic how at least half of these are news to me--what did I get myself into?!
I once stole a pack of coca cola bubble gum and felt so guilty that I sat in the main floor bathroom and chewed every piece super fast and then spit it all out because it was too much. that was so sad! I also *probably* traded maggie out of a few good barbies.
ReplyDeletethe other day Bea ripped a head off of a Barbie. Later, my dad accidentally stepped on and broke the head off of one of Bea's. He just put it back in the box. Naughty dad.
ReplyDeleteHa Ha! Joe, I promise that I didn't read your sibling challenge at the end of this post before I posted mine yesterday!
ReplyDeleteOh man. That was a nice stroll down perjury lane. And I did a major LOL with Maddie's comment about Rob. Good times.
Mine confessions are a little double-negative-esque, but, I think mother never knew that:
1) Jack and Jill didn't bite a hole in the tramp...I threw a bb gun off the roof to see how high it would bounce (the first of many physics fails)
2) I habitually stole her CW Post cereal (ca 1992) because I craved it fortnightly
3) I always felt unconditionally loved by her
4) I never got drunk or did drugs
5) I used to curse like a sailor from 3rd grade to 9th grade
6) I was oblivious to the fact that coming home with 7 hickeys in 8th grade might be a problem
7) Jeff Kim used to beat me up several times a week in second grade
8) My friends still joke about how excessively I wore my striped pajamas to school
9) I wasn't embarrassed by her
10) Joe and I had a secret hiding cave in Lillian Freshman's side yard
11) Joe and I used to steal copious amounts of candy from the Texaco gas station—eventually driving them out of business
12) In 1996, I walked through the halls of OHS during lunch wearing nothing but tights for $15
13) My friends and I lit the field behind our old house on fire and almost had to call the fire department
14) I figured out the birthday of the lunch lady at OHS (Jean) and, when it arrived six months later, got the whole lunch room to sing happy birthday to her (she later made a contribution to my mission)
15) Mark Leppard and I slept up at the cabin once a week during the fall/winter of 1998
John, some of those were surprises to me. Especially the fact that you were around in the fall of 1998. I thought you were on your mission. If I would have known you were just up at the cabin, I would have come to hang out with you.
ReplyDeleteI tried out swearing too, but the kid I was with told me I suck at swearing. Whatever.
Also, can I hear about more physics fails? My main science fail was buying 10 white mice for a science fair maze, then killing them all accidentally 1 by 1 before I ever conducted the experiment.
My other experiment that never really got "off the ground" was trying to throw Boots, our cat, out the second story window.
ReplyDeleteI have since learned that she would have likely been fine. In fact, cats which sustain a fall from two to thirty-two stories have a 90% survival rate.
Source: some internet article.
Brosef. Fall 97. Winter98. And, no, you couldn't have come up to hang out with us. You sucked too bad at swearing.
ReplyDeleteOther notable physics fails include:
1) My BYU physics class—wherein after asking the professor what I could do to improve my understanding of course materials he replied, "In my experience, you either get physics or you don't. It's not really something that's teachable. So, your best bet is to simply survive the course and avoid taking physics courses moving forward." (lazy professor win!)
2) Swinging on a branch in Tommy Nichols's back yard—breaking said branch—landing on my upper back on the roof of a neighbors shed, rolling off the roof, dropping four feet onto an exposed chain link fence and ripping my pants and shirt.
3) Picking up Jenny Kennington onto my shoulder and taking her up the stairs on stage in "Taming of the Shrew." Her 6'2" frame caught me unawares and my shoulder merely substituted for a fulcrum—before I knew what was happening, she teeter-tottered me down four stairs and she went careening head-first toward the pavement (Shakespearean Festival was outside). We both ended up on the ground...she with a bruised face. Me with a bruised ego. After 7 years, Krista is STILL a sucker for that incident and often requests it as a bedtime story.
Now that I think about it, the 2003 Phoenix Pool Olympics probably constituted my only physics-defying moves ever. Please post it to this blog when you have a chance.
Speaking of, mother never knew that four of her sons almost died trying to do front flips off a trampoline, over an iron fence and three feet of concrete into a frigid pool at the great and spacious hacienda.
Oh yes, I find it exceedingly ironic that in 90% of the photos we have of mom, she is closing her eyes. Apparently, mother never knew we were taking her picture.
(Why is my comment longer than the original post? Sorry.)
Joe, how about your physics fail when you wore one rollerblade while you walked jack and jill? and john, how about another physics fail when you broke your arm on the monkey bars in canada. :) And during the early years of your swearing, you told me that if you said "quote, unquote *swearword*" then it wasn't really swearing. And I believed you and tried it a few times, but i thought it was a lot of trouble to swear if you had to go to all that work - so i stopped. also, because i'm righteous. :)
ReplyDeleteI actually think that the naughtiness I was involved in was as a victim and sometimes as an accomplice. All in all, I think I was a really good kid and that I wasn't smart enough to never tell anyone so mother probably knew about all the bad things I ever did.
ReplyDeleteThese are confessions of mine and others' naughtiness.
I *might* have
*sprayed Fiona's stinky deodorant all over my room to waste it so she'd have to buy new stuff that smelled better.
*watched John tell Mikey W. to look in the hose and see what was wrong with it and then turn it on full blast.
* Picked all the flowers in Lillian's backyard and put them in my wagon.
* got tricked into drinking John's pee.
*gotten tricked into eating ice cream with a loagie spit into it by Jim. (super naughty)
*begged to play bbgun dodge ball (the most dangerous of all the naughty things). I think that Mary and Danelle played that with Chuck and Jim.
*I used to watch my brothers pour gasoline on toy cars and light them on fire right next to the house.
* I watched Joe try to light something on fire using hairspray and the can almost exploded (again, right by the house on the front porch).
*I purposely asked all of Flori's dates and guy friends questions that I knew would embarrass her (do you love my sister?).
* I loved to eavesdrop on everybody's phone calls (learned it from Nanny).(still, not that naughty)
Love you, Mom. Thanks for putting up with all the known and unknown.
wow, I am getting some really great ideas..... (devilish laugh)
ReplyDeleteJust busted Maddie. Yes, I stepped on the Barbie. No, the head did not break off. I confronted her about it and she said, "yes, but it makes a better story the way I tell it." Genetic dynamite.
ReplyDeletePerhaps mother never knew that when the Holladay house toilet was perpetually clogged, it wasn't always Jim's fault.
Maggie set a dangerous precedent wherein she started "confessing" on behalf of others. Which begs the question, Rob, are you confessing on behalf of you or Flori?
ReplyDeleteShame on Maddie. Father ALWAYS knows!
Mother never knew me and Gabe kept jumping from the roof to the trampoline after she told us not to... she also never new... that I would purposefully hide to see how long it took her to notice I was gone, and how good my hiding spot was. Good to know I wasn't the only naughty child! and I also cheated in candyland when she went to the bathroom :)
ReplyDeleteBy the way I love Joes mouse experiment gone wrong, and I got a kick out of Maddies story!
that was from evie (sorry)
ReplyDeleteMadeline, You are part of the rising generation. That means you can't take part in the filthiness of our generation. You can laugh at it, and shake your head... but you can't try it.
ReplyDeleteEvie, if I see you this weekend I'll tell you more about the mouse experiment, but I'll tell you one part now. At the time I was sleeping in the top bunk and I jumped off my bed in the morning and landed on something sharp. At first I was mad because I thought John had left out a GI Joe guy. Then I realized I had landed on top of one of the mice and smashed him as flat as a mouse cake.
Poor mouse #6...
I honestly never knew a lot of that. Now I am truly converted to the strength of full repentance and being made new because you are all pretty great now. I do want you to know that i want this book and comments printed so your children can also see the miracle of forgiveness and as Joseph said, "the rising generation can't partake of the filthiness" When I asked the Maudsley's if their children had done such naughty things, they didn't think so, so I'm glad we had such an exciting life. I guess Dad wouldn't have been so upset at our being late for church when he was the bishop if he had known all the other stuff. And yes, a mother's love covers all of those transgressions. You little devils are still angels in my eyes. SWEET!
ReplyDeleteIt's evie again
ReplyDeleteJoe, sadley I won't be at Nanny's Sunday dinner, instead I will be bored to death on a plane or in the airport.Something I forgot to put in is my recent bathroom trip...(that sounds weird)...anyways, I kind of put saran wrap under the toilet seat at my school. Mother never knew, but she gave me the idea, on accident. So yes the miracle of forgiveness is the best, if you get caught. And Joe I'll probably be telling my nieces and nephews (when I'm alot older) the same thing. You should tell me the rest of your mouse stories, unless you think they're way funnier in person, then I can wait.
Okay so my mother never new stories are pretty lame, I admit but I'm still young I can't confess to something that could get me in trouble.....
ReplyDelete