I have some very distinct (and appalling) memories of being a horrible daughter. I was never so deceptively clever, just mean and cruel (oh the shame!!) I'm sure you remember the tantrums I threw before the carpool or the sobs of "you're ruining my life" and "it isn't fair!" when I couldn't hang out with high school boys. gaah! you were SUCH a mean mother!
(tsk! check out my 'tude in this pic!)
I remember being angry and resentful because you "just didn't understand" because how could you?!? It all seems so silly now.
Before Johnny left on his mission he told me it was time to forgive you and just love you. I thought he was crazy. I was convinced that you and I would never understand each other - no way would we ever be friends. isn't that so sad?
I know that you and I both remember well a special night we had in your room. It was a night I will treasure and remember forever. It changed my life, Mom. Do you know that deep down I always wanted to be good and do good? Why I wasted so much energy and time pretending to be angry and indifferent, I'll never know. thank you for being patient with me. thank you for not throwing up your hands and saying "you're right!" or "Fine!" or "Go ahead - see if I care!"
Although I couldn't see it while I was younger, I know you must have been scared to death seeing some of my friends and worried I might share a similar fate. I knew you loved me because even though I put up a fight, it didn't have much fire behind it because i didn't really want to be doing any of those things. I guess i just needed someone to give me those boundaries and (essentially) an excuse to have to stay home.
Since that night many years ago, I have treasured the bond we now share. You are my best friend, mom. My most trusted advisor and confidante. Could any daughter wish for a better mother? Could any person hope for a better friend? I hope that I can continue to put to rest the memory of difficult daughter and have you see what a devoted daughter i am to you now. I love you, I love you, I do.
maria
Mary, very tender post. Thank you for sharing. I don't ever remember telling you that before my mission. Actually, I don't ever remember you having a tumultuous relationship with mom. But I'm happy that you have so much love to give.
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree. Whatever was going on inside your head, you should have been much more angry about Tom and Bob's shirts in that picture than at mom.
Actually, looks like everyone has a matching partner in that picture except Flori and Jim. What gives?
And all this time I thought that Mary was just angry that we had to wear matching outfits. Funny thing- I think I have several pictures around this age of Mary giving crusties in pictures of the two of us (another one is in our sunshine generation outfits).
ReplyDeleteThat is a tender post. I like to tell Gracie stories about when Nanny was a "mean mom" like I am (before she was only nice).
maggie - NOT several pictures. please. i only know of the sunshine generation picture. other than that, we look like BFFs in every picture. honestly!!
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